Good Daughtering: The Work You've Always Done, the Credit You've Never Gotten, and How to Finally Feel Like Enough

A transformative look at the hidden work of all adult daughters who share the invisible load, from the eldest to the youngest, offering a fresh perspective on care, emotional resilience, and the power daughters have to shape healthier, more fulfilling family connections. For readers of both Susan Cain’s Quiet and Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play.

Daughters grow up believing their role in the family is simple: love your parents, help out when you can, and carry on the traditions that bind families together. But adulthood reveals a more complicated reality—one where women take on the invisible labor of emotional support, crisis management, and unspoken expectations that leave them feeling stretched thin and unseen.

So, what is “daughtering”? It’s the unpaid, invisible work women do to hold a family together—checking in, stepping up, and smoothing over—without ever considering its cost. In Good Daughtering, Dr. Allison M. Alford—a leading researcher in family communication—unpacks the untold story of adult daughters and the quiet, essential work they do. Drawing on years of groundbreaking research and personal interviews, she explores how societal expectations, gender roles, and generational dynamics shape the experiences of daughters in ways that are often misunderstood or overlooked.

Whether navigating generational expectations or balancing their own lives with the needs of their parents, Good Daughtering reveals the complexities of a role too often taken for granted. Daughters are the ones who do the planning and saving for their futures and those of their families, and support parents emotionally and practically as they age. This book speaks directly to eldest daughters who become family anchors, and the middle and youngest daughters who take on different, but no less important, obligations and responsibilities of being a good daughter. Using sharp insights, relatable stories, and actionable tools, Dr. Alford invites women to reflect on their relationships, recalibrate their roles, and reclaim joy in their lives.

Whether you’re paying the price for Eldest Daughter Syndrome or find yourself doing the work of caring for parents without recognition, it’s time to make your efforts visible and valued. More than a prescriptive guide, Good Daughtering is the long-overdue recognition of daughters who carry the weight in a family. It’s a roadmap for creating relationships that are not just functional but flourishing. This is the book every daughter deserves: an invitation to be seen, valued, and empowered in her role while honoring her own needs and desires.